Before I started working my way through the deep hurts I had locked away, I knew I’d need big help. Unlocking painful memories and facing deep ugliness isn’t something I could do on my own. This is the prayer I prayed. If you’re considering the work of forgiveness or need to pick your way through stuff you shoved down deep to survive, maybe this could be a prayer to start you on your way.
Help me, God, to put aside every past hurt, betrayal, slight; every time I was ignored or given no priority; every time I gave and gave with no return and sometimes with no acknowledgment. Help me see that those very ways can make me more like you. That you were hurt, betrayed, slighted, and ignored. That the many things you’ve done for your children and your bride have often been met with lack of gratitude or even acknowledgment.
And yet, your mercies are new every single morning. Your faithfulness is great. Your will and calling remain. You work all things – every single thing – together for good for those You’ve called. Who am I to determine who the called are? Who am I to decide who deserves your favor and merit and grace and blessing?
In your eyes, my sin is no less. So help me to view them as your precious children, whom you so desire to have in relationship, to forgive, to show grace, to meet in fellowship, to bless in all ways, including your presence in their home and marriage, your guidance in how they raise children, your miracle-working power in mending the hurt.
In days to come, when my selfish pride and hurt feelings rise up in protest yet again, remind me that Jesus’ blood is enough to cover everything I’m not yet fully healed of. That I cannot wait till I’m victorious because victory doesn’t come from me, just as salvation doesn’t come through me. You alone save. You alone defeat the enemy. You call us to stand with you, you allow us to be used of you, you give us the armor and you help us fight…But in this fight against things so far beyond me, only you can bring victory.
Help me overcome the ugly that’s left down deep from hurts and betrayals not of you. Move me past the insecurity, anger, distrust, distance, self-protection, and anything else I have not yet recognized.
I want life more abundant. I want Promised Land. I want fruit. I want God-given dreams fulfilled and heart desires granted. So remove from me anything standing in the way of that.
The path the Israelites took once they turned North was not without obstacle or difficulty. You didn’t clear the path for them, but You gave victory over the enemy in order to fulfill Your promise and get them to the place you ordained before they were even on this earth. The promise made to Abram hundreds of years prior.
You have known your plans for me from long ago, before I existed. Do not allow my insecurities and fears to be in Your way. Help me seek you above all else and be obedient, even if what you ask is something I can only do by overcoming my own obstinacy.
I don’t want to pray blessings over those who hurt me, but you tell me it needs to be done. Matthew 5:44 – “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
So help my unbelief. Help my insufficiency. Help my heart and will. Overcome my fleshly desires to box up that hurt and stuff it down deep. Help me endure whatever pain comes with opening it up so that it can work its way to the surface for me to rid myself of it. Sometimes pain is part of the process that brings deeper healing.
It has not healed me to hold on to these hurts. I hadn’t even fully realized I was doing it, but it’s become evident. Self-protection may have been grief and necessity for a while, but at this point it’s just debilitating. I hold people at arm’s length or beyond. I wall off and run if it feels like there is any potential to be hurt.
Continue to speak to me, affirm your message, guide my heart, renew my mind. Send encouragement. Let friends be faithful. Continually renew my desire for you. Keep me faithful to your word, to prayer, to study. Let me find you when I seek you. Let me sense and know your love for me. Help me be obedient in the hard things that I’ve fought against till now. Help me overcome anything hindering your will from my life.
I want to be where you are – physically (place), emotionally (relationships, if any), mentally (mindsets, etc). In every way, I want to be near You, in You, pleasing You, living for You.
Give me energy, fortitude, and encouragement for this journey.
Amen