Death in family. Sickness. Divorce. Money issues.
Very adult problems listed by the students in my nine year old’s Sunday School class when asked to name some difficult things that often happen to kids. Can we all stop a minute and think about how heavy this is? Our babies are carrying some adult-sized burdens on their little shoulders.
In the midst of a pandemic, it is not surprising to hear that children are more aware of sickness and death. Or even money issues if their parents’ hours or positions at work have been affected. It is not surprising that my son was the one who listed divorce. Bless his precious nine year old soul. Over the past few months, he has started to process, understand, and work through things the rest of us did years ago when he was so young. I’ve watched my fearless, happy-go-lucky boy deal with some insecurity and not-so-happy emotions. I’ve lost sleep, cried, and prayed. I’ve re-lived part of the pain of his daddy leaving and his parents divorcing through his big brown little boy eyes. Eyes that sparkle with mischief sometimes clouded by uncertainty, questions, and tears…. It is sad. And it is hard. Because even when I am doing everything I know to do, it isn’t enough. I couldn’t speed along my own healing, and I can’t do that for him no matter how desperately I wish I could. It was easier to trust God with my own pain than with my child’s because I don’t like to see my baby hurting. I want it all to be better. Like, NOW. Or even yesterday.
But what if that’s not how God goes about this? What if this is what God uses to grow him? What if, in this, God shows my boy that He is faithful? What if God uses these childhood circumstances to build a faith that will bolster him in adulthood? What if he comes to see God as an unfailing Father, ever-present help, rock and refuge?
Can I trust God to do that? Can I trust His timing? Do I trust His heart? Do I trust that He loves my children even more than I do? Do I trust that when this fallen world places heavy burdens on my child’s shoulders, God will help carry them, just as He has carried my burdens and even carried me?
Can I let Him do that – knowing it may be a process – when I want to make it all ok right now? And what can I do to help in the meantime?
If we go back to the Sunday School lesson where this ramble started…After the students listed difficult things that happen to kids, they were referred to a list of Scripture that might help them in hard times, then their teachers encouraged them to memorize at least one of the Scriptures to call to mind when their heart felt heavy. THAT is what I can do. I can point my boy to Scripture. To Truth. To God Himself. I can live out that example and seek His face and show that when times are hard, we seek God. When life is unfair, He is just. When the weight of the world is heavy, He gladly takes our burden onto His shoulders if we will just release it to Him. When humanity fails us (and it will), He is unfailing. When we ourselves fail, He is forgiveness and grace and love. Not just forgiving or gracious or loving, but the very definition and embodiment of those things. [And] I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39.
Nothing in this world can separate us from the love of God, but the world in general does not live out the love of God. Our kids have no choice but to grow up in this rebellious world that places heavy stuff on their little shoulders, but they will choose how to live in it and how to handle the heavy stuff. We set the example by the choices we make in front of them. Choose well, adult. Little eyes are watching. Little ears are listening. Little minds are being expanded. Little hearts are being moulded. One day, these little people will be our leaders. Let’s start now, leading by the example we hope to see in them one day.
And let’s try when we can to lighten their burdens; and when we can’t, to trust the One who can.
Bonita thanks for sharing I see so much pain in my Grandchildren from divorce so much pain that I have no control over and I want to go away. I have to remind myself like you all those God what if’s. I wanted so much for my Grandchildren to have a happy home with Mom and Dad but it isn’t happening. Now they live in 2 broken (wanna be happy homes) where in both they are the odd ones. And it breaks my heart all I can do is Pray, be present, (that’s hard now since we are in Florida) and let them know they are loved by God and me along with other family members. I admire you for the time you have with your children, awareness of their pain and you put them ahead of your needs to be loved and cared for by a man. I see you again with that kind of love someday and you will be loved the way you were created to be loved. I look forward to seeing you spoiled beyond anything you could imagine. I thank you for sharing your life with us and know you are cared about and prayed for. right now I have lots of prayer time and if you have specific request I will be happy to pray for them.
And I appreciate you praying for my my Grandchildren
Hey Bonita . I am so thankful that we had Mom and Pop to get us started on the straight and narrow way. They were great examples for us. Their faith in God and faithfulness set an example for all of us. Of course, God’s Word living inside of them made it possible. I’m thankful to God for leading us into the paths of righteousness, beginning with Mom and Pop and going down through the generations since. To me and Joy. To our kids and your kids. Etc. I’m also very thankful for the wisdom God has imparted to you. Kids are God’s greatest gift He gives us. It’s our job as parents to pass on to our kids all we can. Even when they make mistakes, as we all do, God uses mistakes to teach lessons. Wisdom comes from understanding God’s Word and how we use that knowledge to live our lives and help others. I enjoy reading your blog. Praise God for the knowledge and Wisdom He has given to all His children ! Continue serving God. You’re doing what the Bible says. To train a child in the way he should go. When he’s old he won’t depart from it. Those seeds planted will need watered and time to grow. Trust God to do His job in His time. I know you realize that. Just explaining to any readers. God bless you for teaching the kids at home and at Church.
I love you. Daddy
The longer I live the more I am depending on God to take care of my children and grandchildren. I realize I cannot shield them from pain and hurt, but I have learned, and continue to be reminded, that God has more for us through suffering than through the easy times. May God give all of our children grace upon grace for every need and all hope and joy in believing.!