I cried about a transmission today. Like ugly-cry sobbing…
On Friday, while my boys were driving to school, a line from the transmission to the cooler (?) came off and leaked so much transmission fluid in that short drive that it ruined the transmission. I have wonderful friends from church who went to the school that day, found the problem, secured the line, and refilled the fluid, but the damage was already done, causing the transmission (gears?) to slip when driven. I held out hope that something minor could be done or even that God would miraculously heal the car in my driveway. He’s done similar things for us before.
But not this time.
And it will be ok. It always is. He always provides. Always. But even knowing that, I ugly-cried right there at church, talking to the precious deacon who’d worked on the car Friday and checked it again on Saturday when it wasn’t driving right. I just fell completely apart telling him that a mechanic told me that the transmission would have to be rebuilt or replaced.
It sounds so silly to cry about a transmission. A material thing. But It’s never the actual thing that makes you cry, is it? For me, it’s moments when the weight of single parenting is so, so heavy. When I’m at home with a sick child, and the boys call saying the car isn’t acting right and they’re afraid they won’t make it to school. When I keep them on speaker phone to make sure I know the moment they pull up safely. When my brain is scrambling through what to do if I need to get the sick child up and hurry out the door. When I’m flooded with relief that they made it safely then move on to finding help because I don’t know a darn thing about cars to be able to figure out the problem or what to do about it. When the problem is bigger than expected. When an unexpected expense is never great, but it’s especially not great at Christmas time.
Ugh. All those moments just piled up, I guess, and resulted in a deluge of ugly tears…
I’m so thankful God made us to cry and release that pent up heaviness that would crush us otherwise. I’m so thankful for my deacon friend bearing with me during the meltdown. I’m so thankful for all the friends who helped me through the weekend and will help until I can get my son’s car fixed. I’m so thankful God takes our burdens and bears them Himself and gives us people to share the load. I have no doubt that He will turn these transmission ugly-tears into joy. And gosh, do I look forward to that day.